i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
