What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
