That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize