I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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