I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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