mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
