Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
