A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
