I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
