don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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