all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
