I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
