Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
