Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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