thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
