You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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