saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
