life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
