I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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