I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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