I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
