Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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