I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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