And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
