I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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