True but thats because hes a fetus.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize