My friends, they love my intelligence
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
