He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
