did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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