Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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