im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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