I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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