What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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