When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize