I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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