Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
