i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
