the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
