So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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