im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
where are my eyebrows?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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