Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
this hospital has no fireball
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
