She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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