a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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