And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
