New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
