Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
wow bdsm is so cute
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
