I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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