i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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