how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
