Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
