I can tuck mytits in my pants
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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