I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize