This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
