Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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