Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
