hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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