Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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