apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
