you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
