they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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