when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize