so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
