I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
