You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize
