My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
