Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How external is "for external use only"?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
