does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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