I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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