Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
