"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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