hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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