Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
