sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
