I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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