i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
