Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
