Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I deserve this hangover.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
