there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
