why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
