Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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