these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
