she woke up with a sticky ear
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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