We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
