i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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