:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
