Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
