Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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