so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
