i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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