Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
