He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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