he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
