wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
sex in a hospital.. check
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
