Small penises have feelings too.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
