You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
