just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
