Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
