Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How does one acquire holy water?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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