I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize