oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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