I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
