My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
