So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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