ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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