I am puke
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
smell my finger.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
