My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize