Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
