he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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