come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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