I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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