I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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