OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Say something about gay babies.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
