I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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