Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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