all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
