4 words: hood of his car
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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