matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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