I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
try to milk me bitch
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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