If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
